Turning The Other Cheek
by Vixen Argentum
Summary: Shepard teaches two teenage turians a lesson about keeping your hands to yourself.  After all, boys will be boys regardless of species.


**A/N**

**Written for the Mass Effect Kink Meme**

Prompt asking for any turian to grab Shepard's boobs. Bonus for not even asking first.

* * *

><p>Farik nursed his drink, savoring his first night in the citadel bar. He and his best friend Lorinn had just completed bootcamp, and now were finally legal adults in the eyes of the Turian Hierarchy. It was too bad that Chora's den had shut down and never reopened—he had heard amazing stories about that place from a few of his superiors, even if it had a tinged reputation. Not that he had anything to compare it to, but in his opinion, Dark Star wasn't bad. The music was decent, and the supply of people to watch and wonder about was nearly infinite.<p>

"I never see any turian chicks on the Citadel," said Lorinn taking a swig from his glass. "They're all over the military, but I hardly ever see them here."

Farik grinned. "That's not what you come to the Citadel for, you know." His eyes wandered the crowd. "Hey, Lorinn," he said. "Have you ever thought about what it would be like with, you know…"

"What?" said Lorinn.

"You know," said Farik, getting flustered. "With an _alien_ girl."

"You into aliens?" said Lorinn, curious.

"I dunno, I've heard they can be a lot of fun," said Farik. "And that they really like when you touch those funny bumps on their chests when you fuck them."

"They're called boobs, you know," said Lorinn in the voice he used when trying to impress people.

"Pft. Like you know anything about alien girls." Farik's eyes wandered from table to table. There were a few other male turians in the bar like them, but the population of asari and humans were much higher. The odd salarian, volus, and elcor wandered about, too, but didn't tend to stay.

"I hear those things feel really strange, that they swing and bounce when you do them," Farik continued. "I wonder what it would feel like if you touched them," he mused. "Ah well, it's not like you'll ever know."

"Hey," said Lorinn. "I've totally touched one before. How else would I know what they're called?"

"No you haven't," spat Farik. "You haven't even had a real girlfriend of your own kind back on Palaven. When would you have gotten to be one-on-one with an alien babe?"

"I have too touched one, you're just jealous," Lorinn shot back.

Farik could see the shiftiness in Lorinn. He was always trying to pull stuff like this, but he never understood that after growing up with him for 8 years, Farik could real him like an open book. Farik sighed. "Well then, what does it feel like?"

"It's kinda like, well…its…" Lorinn drowned himself in his drink. "It's unlike anything else I've ever touched, so I can't even find words to describe it so that someone like _you_ could understand."

"Bullshit." Farik slammed his glass down on the table, causing Lorinn to jump. He laughed. "I knew you were a filthy liar."

"Hey," said Lorinn. "How would you know if I did or not?"

"Haha. You are so easy to fuck with," said Farik. "I doubt you'd have the guts to even date an alien girl, or even pay one to fuck you in the first place." He leered over the table, his nose just barely above Lorinn's.

"Well fine. It's not like you've had any alien ass." Lorinn flared is mandibles in frustration. "Screw you. I'm gonna go find out tonight."

"Ha! You find out? How?" Farik grinned. _This was going to be good._ "You know every female human and asari in this place would laugh your ugly mug right out that door."

"Fuck you."

"Five hundred credits says you can't do it." Farik twiddled his credit chit between his fingers. "Like you said, boobs by the end of the night."

"You're on." The two teenagers clanked glasses and gulped down the last of their drinks before pulling over a barmaid for another round.

Lorinn studied the people in the club. Suddenly he was hit by the realization that he really i_did/i_ know nothing about alien girls, which ones were easy to pick up, which ones he shouldn't touch, which ones would make the entire club jealous… All he knew was that whatever these girls had, damn it, he wanted it. He was curious now.

_Five hundred credits. Five hundred credits. Five hundred credits._ Oh why did he have such a big mouth? He wasn't actually going to do this, was he?

Lorinn nervously took a sip as he regarded the dancers on the dancefloor. "Umm…so, which one do you think I should go after?" He gestured to an asari who was shaking hard and fast. "Her?"

"Idiot, she's already dancing with somebody, so unless you want a knuckle sandwich to go with your credits," Farik trailed off before continuing. "Well actually, it would be really funny if you did, so go ahead."

Lorinn rolled his eyes. "Fine, what about her?"

"_Her?_ You'd go for _her_?" Farik goaded. "She looks like she's been run over by a Mako, then they backed it up. But she might give you something out of pity…so would that be considered cheating? Maybe I'd have to cut it to three hundred credits…"

Lorinn smacked Farik on the back of the head, who just laughed. "Damn it Farik! Why do I ever bring you out for anything? And this is getting a bit creepy—why do you know so much about alien girls?"

Farik patted Lorinn on the back. "Ah, you'd be totally lost without me. "

Lorinn grumbled but didn't complain too hard. On some level, this was very true.

Instead, he watched the people come in and out of the club. Packs of people came in, mostly partnered or in small same-sex groups. He needed to be able to single out just one girl so that maybe he could play upon the loneliness of coming to a club alone.

What the hell was he thinking! This would never work. People never went to clubs alone—bars, sure, but almost never a club. If you were single, you came with other single friends to these things instead.

Then he saw her… Her black leather dress was cut deep, exposing the divot of her cleavage, framed by a silver necklace.

"Wow…" he said as he got up.

He had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but his feet seemed to move without him. He was entranced. After asking the bartender for a drink, she sat down at a table to the side, and he found himself drawn to that location, like a heat-seeking missile.

"Hey-Hey, where are you going?" said Farik, but Lorinn didn't hear him. Suddenly, Farik was a bit nervous about his five hundred credits. Something about the moment was just so….

"D-do you mind if I sit here?" Lorin stammered as he stood in front of the table.

"Sure, go ahead." She smiled. She swirled the drink in her hand.

"I'm Lorinn," he said. "And you are?"

"They call me Shepard."

"That's quite a famous name for a human," he said tilting his head to the side in what he thought was a suave manner.

"Well, it's famous for a reason," Shepard laughed, catching the fact that the irony was lost on the young turian in front of her.

"So…" _Say something! Say something!_ Lorinn cleared his throat. "Do you come here often?"

Ugh, what a _terrible_ first line. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Like something out of a cheezy vid. He looked over to Farik who was trying to pretend that he wasn't listening intently. However, the poorly suppressed laughter was giving it away.

"Oh I come here when I'm in the area, the bartender here can make a mean drink" said Shepard, amused. "But, I don't see much of the Citadel these days."

Lorinn reminded himself over and over, like the many men who came before him, and their fathers, and their fathers' fathers, that her eyes were located _upward_. But still he was mesmerized, they pressed together when she moved her arms, and the lighting of the club intensified the shadows, the shape. Maybe Farik was right, they did look soft…

"Ummm, what keeps you away all the time?" asked Lorinn, still trying to be cool. If she was away all the time, getting her as a girlfriend was out of the question, but maybe he could lure her into something for a night.

Shepard sipped at her drink. "We do odd jobs here and there. My team mostly works in the Terminus systems right now."

She sensed that the teenage turian wasn't any kind of a threat, but she couldn't help but wonder what he was up to. He was bouncing a leg nervously, like he was about to take off and run far away, and he was obviously being watched by another turian of the same age two tables over, who looked like he had swallowed a bomb and was about to explode. A friendly dare to talk to an alien girl, perhaps. They were both so young, as if they had to be fresh out of bootcamp.

Lorinn shifted uncomfortably. "Just curious, but are you seeing anyone?"

Shepard hid a smile under a hand, trying not to laugh. Boys will be boys no matter the species. "No, but I think you're a bit young for me."

"Oh, yeah. I guess you're right." Lorinn stared deep into the depths of his glass, as if it would divine the answers of a) what approach he was going to take next, and b) if he failed, how he was going to come up with five hundred credits.

Shepard winked at him and patted his hand. "If it's any conciliation, If I were ten years younger, you'd be the first on my list."

"Really?" he beamed. She nodded. _Haha! Suck it, Farik! I can make it with an alien chick!_

Suddenly Lorinn had an idea. It wasn't a good one, but it was the best that his alcohol hazed brain could cobble together. Glancing over to Farik he nodded. He took a deep drink, feeling the courage seep into his core.

"So you said that you spend most of your time in the Terminus systems," he said, inching closer.

Shepard smiled. She couldn't tell what was on the turian's mind, but his awkward company was both cheerful and entertaining. "Yes. Usually fighting mercenaries, or pirates, or whatever else plagues the people."

Lorinn leaned even closer. "So that means you don't spend much time on the Citadel…" _And so this will probably be one of the only times we'll see each other..._

"Well, I—"

Lorinn plunged a hand down the neckline of Shepard's dress, cupping, squeezing her left breast, being careful of his talons. He gasped, and ran his thumb over it, taking in the shape, the volume, feeling the nipple invert and then pop back up under his touch. The experienced made him absolutely dumbstruck. This was so cool!

However, suddenly he realized that he was in the middle of a club, sitting with a human who for all intents and purposes, he did not know. And, his hand was conspicuously down her top as he groped away. He looked her in the eyes—she was just as shocked as he was. He commanded his fingers to stop feeling around, but it was as if they had a mind of their own.

"Uhh, sorry…" he mumbled, deer in the headlights. After a brief pause he lurched sideways, disentangling himself from her dress, his drink sloshing back and forth in his other hand.

Farik bolted for the door, but Lorinn got there first. "I did it!" he huffed. " Go, go, go, go, go!"

They ran, blowing past the doors, sprinting for the other side of the ward. There was greenery, bushes. The two turians looked around but didn't see any followers. Quickly, they hopped over the waist-high fence, cloaking themselves in the lush vegetation, just in case.

Farik collapsed on the ground, panting as he tried to catch his breath. "So what was it like?"

"Well, it was kinda…umm" Lorinn's mind reeled, trying to distill words from his moment of triumph. "I don't know, I can't really…"

Farik punched him right in the ribs. "Spirits, you're useless! You were right there, just now, and ten seconds later, you can't even remember? I knew I should have been the one to do this."

"Oww!" Lorinn rubbed his side. "Hey, you saw me do it."

"Fine," said Farik. "Then at least try to tell me. You won't get your credits if you don't."

Lorinn shrugged. Fair enough. He grasped the air in front of him, as if it would help him find the words. "It was soft and squishy, and the skin was so smooth and full. It was so warm there between them, I could feel her heart beating under it."

Farik was rapt with attention. "And? Go on?"

"Well, the bottom of it is fuller than the top. and right in the center you can feel something small sticking out, like a little button. It got even harder as I squeezed." Lorin was proud, so proud.

"Wow…damn." Farik clapped him on the back, laughing now. "I'm not stupid enough like you to pull a stunt like that, but I'm definitely going to have to get me a human girlfriend sometime and give it a try, or maybe an asari. Though I'm not sure I'm cool with that whole mind thing that they do."

"Nah," said Lorinn. "I'd still do an asari. I hear it's awesome, like you can orgasm with your entire body just by linking minds."

Farik flicked Lorinn's nose. "Yeah, well, you think sticking your dick into a lubed up sock is awesome," he scoffed.

"Shut up!" Lorinn crossed his arms over his chest.

"Let's get out of here, I'm getting grass stains on my ass." Farik stood up and brushed the earth from his pants, which were thankfully dry. He looked around—no humans in sight.

"Coast is clear!" He whispred to Lorinn. They climbed back over the fence and were given a disdainful look by some passing asari, but it was not as if they cared.

Farik walked in the direction of the lower part of the ward. "I'm starving. After all that drinking and running, I could really use something from downstairs."

"Yeah, that sounds—"

Two hands had reached out and grabbed each of their collars from behind. Lorinn and Farik looked at each other, eyes wide as they saw a woman in a black leather dress holding them there.

"I wouldn't have found you if you weren't so loud in the bushes," she said, obviously not amused.

Lorinn panicked. He searched for ways out, for a distraction, anything at all. "We're sorry! We're so sorry! You've gotta believe us, I know it was wrong. Please don't tell security on us—Whoa!"

Suddenly the turian was aware of a hand resting on his left buttock. Then there was a squeeze…

"So that's what they feel like without the armor on them," said Shepard. She swept her hand to the other side and grabbed again. "A little hard, like grabbing the edge of your favorite leather armchair, but still with a nice give to it. Not even a hint of true plating. I'd have never guessed—I figured that there would at least be something in the center."

"Uhh…" Lorinn was speechless. His skin was afire from where she touched him. Farik's mouth gaped open.

"Here's some free advice with the ladies," she said, as she walked away. "You'll do a lot better if you ask them first."

"Y-yes ma'am!" said Lorinn. His head was spinning. This couldn't have happened, could it? This woman was badass!

He shoved Farik. "S-see? I totally did it. Where's my five hundred creds?" Lorinn stammered.

Farik grinned. "Five hundred creds? Fuck, man! Here's a thousand. That was_ incredible_"

"She really was something…" breathed Lorinn.

"Yeah…" Farik answered

They both stared at her back as she walked away, disappearing into the crowds from the shops.

"One day I gotta get myself one of those."


End file.
